I’m participating in the Maryland State Police 14th Annual Polar Bear Plunge to raise money for the Special Olympics. If you guys could donate a lil something, I would greatly appreciate it. Even if it is only $1. More info can be found at http://www.plungemd.com

My donation page is here: http://plungemd.kintera.org/faf/r.asp?t=4&i=309300&u=309300-280444691

Thanks in advance!

Click Here to Donate

OK here we go. Jeff and I had an early flight (6:30AM) out of BWI. We breeze through security and were killing time at the gate. When it comes time to board, TSA pops up doing random checks. The two TSA dudes looked like they were straight off of the no fly list. We had to catch a connection flight in Jersey, so we get on this small, flying coffin of a jet. It only had 3 rows of seats and I couldn’t even stand up straight in the damned thing. Thank god it was only an hour flight, because our two fat asses in those seats was not a pretty sight. The flight from Jersey was uneventful. I popped a couple of happy pills and woke up in Mexico at noon.

Going through immigration and customs wasn’t what I thought it would be. We were herded into long ass rope lines, but didn’t have to wait long. Mexican immigrations wasn’t fucking around. These dudes were stamping passports so quickly it sounded like machine guns. Customs was pretty quick too. Hit the button, got the green light and breezed right through.

I had reserved a private taxi ahead of time, but the douchebag wasn’t there. So we wound up having to negotiate with the taxi vultures waiting outside of the airport. We load up and hop in. Our driver breaks open a cooler and we buy a couple of Coronas from him. The vacation had officially begun.

We checked in at the Grand Oasis Cancun and immediately hit a snag. The room they had reserved for had only one king size bed. That wasn’t gonna cut it. So we bitched and got a discounted upgrade to a jr suite. The room was very nice. Huge shower, jacuzzi tub and complimentary beer & soda fridge. My only nit is the water there has a high sulfur content and smells like week old ass. We unpacked with a quickness and headed to the main pool area. StudentCity was already set up and playing music and there was a decent crowd. At first glance, drinking in the hot sun doesn’t seem all that difficult, but god damn it can take it’s toll on you.

The daily routine was pretty much get up around 11 or so, grab something to eat and booze down by the pool area from 1-4. Then we’d head back, catch a power nap, grab dinner and then find something to do for the night. It took us a while to learn where everything was. There was a concierge at Grand Oasis named Alex. That lil dude knew everything.

Everyday we met someone new. We met a shitload of people from New York and New Jersey. Since Jeff is from NY, he found them easily. I swear you fuckers can smell each other from miles a way. lol We met Sean and Brian from Rutgers and hung out with them off and on all week. I nicknamed Sean the “pussy shark” that week. That kid was constantly swimming the waters looking for a kill. Funniest fucking thing I’ve seen in a long time. Of all the girls we met, I have to say that the girls from Minnesota are the nicest, hottest, hardest drinking girls I’ve ever seen.

Tuesday night, Brian, Jeff, Sean and I hopped on the bus and headed to Pat O’Brien’s for St. Patrick’s Day. Now if you’ve never been on a bus in Cancun, you’re in for a special treat. Roller coasters are a lot less fun and probably more safe. As soon as the last person sets foot on the bus, the driver jams it into gear and floors it. Man can those little fuckers drive.

Pat O’Brien’s was a blast. Three different dj areas and a special VIP place where we were drinking. They had these stripper poles set up and all the girl (and some guys too unfortunately) would get up there and dance. At the end of the night, we found some poor kid passed out and got some good pictures of him.

As fun as the bus rides going into town are, the ones headed back with all the drunks is even better. Waiting at all the bus stops are what I call the moped piza dudes. For $10, you get some of the best damned drunken munchies pizza you’ll ever have.

Wednesday night was the Booze Cruise out to Isla Mujeres. They load up these huge party boats and you drink all the way out to the island. Once you get there they feed you and the shows start. There was this HUGE stage set up for all the contests. All I have to say is that if you are a dude, 9 times out of 10 your gonna get the short end of the stick. One of my fellow Marylanders was unfortunate enough to volunteer and wound up getting spanked with this asscrack facing the crowd. Once all the shows and wet tshirt contests are done, they load you back onto the boats and you booze all the way home. Jeff gave teh bartender a set of flashing beads and we wound up with straight alcohol on ice for the rest of the night. It was brutal. By far this was the best time we had all week. Next time, I’ll be booze crusin at least twice.

Thursday night was the Foam Party at the Up and Down Disco on our resort. The dancefloor is a recessed area in the center of the pace. They fill the entire thing with suds. In theory it sounded neat. It reality it blew bigfoot. Total helmetfest, suds in your drinks and people slipping and busting their asses everywhere.

The last two nights were spent at Senor Frogs. I really liked that place. Good mix of music and people. They had a small indoor pool and a water slide that led out to the bay. Lots of girls dancing on stage and on the bars. They’d take the CO2 cannisters and spray it undeath them, blowing their clothes in the air. We met a total sweetheart named Paige (Minn girl) and her really drunk friend. Paige went on to win the bootyshaking contest our last night there.

Almost forgot. Our last day by the pool was hilarious. We were chilling, when all of a sudden people started clapping and yelling. I look across the pool and this dude is pouring the coal to this chick in the pool. They didn’t care who was watching. People were coming up next to them and taking pictures. This went on for 20 or 30 minutes before hotel security finally showed up and got them out of the pool. The crowd was chanting, “Let them fuck! Let them fuck!”

The flight home was relatively uneventful, except for the flight out of Houston. I think our pilot was a former NASCAR driver. I never thought it was possible to throttle the engines and fishtail a 737 onto the runway. I was very, very wrong. He whipped that plane onto the runway and we were in the air with a quickness.

On the flight home, I started to cough. By time time I got home I knew I was getting sick. I just didn’t know how bad. Two weeks later, after 4000mg of amoxicillin a day, I’m still not 100%. Thus the delay in posting this. Photos and vids will be up soon.

Wet tshirt contest and other NSFW pix HERE.

9/15/08: Grrr. I’m having some FTP issues. I’m working on it.

Vids will be up soon. Check back.